tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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