I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
