Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How's work?
Spinning.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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