he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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