Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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