This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
