Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
