I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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