If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
