the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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