There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
