I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
