I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
