it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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