I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
