you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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