I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
