just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
