Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
