omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
