I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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