he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
