how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
