trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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