guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
