I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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