I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
