No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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