office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
