So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
