it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
