i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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