If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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