He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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