Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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