we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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