he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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