I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
