Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
