Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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