I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
