Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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