Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
