i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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