I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
