Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
