dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
