Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I had to cum in my sink.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
