She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
pop tarts are not kleenex
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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