If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
