I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
