im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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