do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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